so let the sun shine in...

i love waking up on my own in the early morning hours. not to an annoying alarm clock telling me to get ready for work. i first woke up at 7 a.m., probably my inner alarm clock, but forced myself to sleep a bit longer. so then when i awoke again at 9 a.m. i got up. i felt productive. so i opened the blinds and all the windows to let the fresh morning air in, made my postum/silk drink, did the dishes, made salad, cut up a honeydew, made a hole in the bucket or whateverinthehellitscalled-cut the middle out of a piece of bread and fry an egg into it. it's yummy i think, and simple. i'm waiting for matt to get up so we can make a real breakfast. i don't want to wake him myself as he looks so peaceful sleeping, finally. now here i am on the computer-no suprise. so really i haven't been too productive, but i felt like i was so that's all that matters. heh. i wanna clean the house, but my buddy trish has borrowed my vaccuum cleaner...we were suppose to go to whitesburg today to see the murders, with regard, and deep 13 play. but at the last minute-due to a band mate's work schedule (grrrr, right neely? hehe)-the murders had to cancel. that's who we were gonna ride up with. plus, matt and i are both trying to save money and so far we have not been doing the best of a job at it. it's good that we're not going now really because of gas money, eating out twice prolly, paying for the show, etc...i'd still like to see and support with regard and deep 13, but ah well. i think they understand. hah. now we have an open day...what to do what to do...it is my friend roberts birthday today, so we may see what he and sarah and those guys are up to. who knows...i hope that xpmdx and sanktus felt last nite was worth it. it sucks that none of the other bands showed up. i wonder what the deal was. but enough people ended up showing up (not many really, but no worse than some other shows i've seen) and both bands fucking rocked out. i have to admit i felt kinda weird going to a show at someones parents (reeeeeeeally nice) house. i do though, think it's bad ass of robin's parents to allow it! i hope xpmdx got an ok amount of money from the donations to help finish the last leg of their tour. i gave a few bux towards those losers! hah. i had fun shooting pool too-it's been quite a while since i've played. and boy did it show. but i did beat matt a few times...and he beat me as well. afterwards we rented basketball diaries since matt had never seen it, and just finished reading my book. i basically fell right asleep, imagine that. i think he liked it ok.well it just may be time to wake ole pimps...here's to a good day!

i love you matt simpson

soon ends our stay here and it's been fun. so tonight i'll raise my glass to us. cause we've talked so much i think we filled this ashtray twice, and i'm pretty sure we emptied every bottle in the place... so let's walk home, let's be afraid. i wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard. let's do it right, under the streetlight. i want it now, somehow i forgot how. way to go, way to go. forgot you've got so far to go. way to go, way to go. forgot you've got so far to go. i heard everybody's voice cut out when you spoke. and i watched all the lights go dim when your eyes opened. well i can't believe you showed up, what do i do now? it's last call, time to go. but before we say goodnight... let's walk home, let's be afraid. i wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard. let's do it right under the streetlight. i want it now, somehow i forgot how. way to go, way to go. forgot you've got so far to go. way to go, way to go. forgot you've got so far to go. forgot you've got so far, you've got so far to go. forgot you've got so far, you've got so far to go. forgot you've got so far, you've got so far to go. forgot you've got so far, you've got so far to go.

call the slambulance, i'm going to the moshpital

I walked around alone last nightand tried to look at people like I did back thenI kinda wanted to just hang outremind myself what it was all aboutabout everything I thoughtI shattered and left laying therethat didn't matterevery now and then comes back to my eyesmoving in a new directionI know if you're not getting betteryou're getting worse butwatching everybody else it's getting harder to remind myselfof what I've learned relying on another lame religionto validate our arrogant traditionsand any day we're gonna wonder whywe've been left behindthis girl came up to me and saidI think my teacher used to go to school with youand she was right and if for just a second I take off these colored glassesI can see it might just be a waste of timeand I don't know everyday that passesit gets easier to walk off and it seems alrightand everyday another person I used to call my friendjust dissapears from sightnow I see that I'm all alonejust like I always was from the beginningand I think maybe that's the reason I'm not hanging aroundI see your face and wonder where you'll be five years from nowand what it really means to you insideI can't explain the reasons why I can't hang out and bide my timeit just keeps going on and on and on and on and on and I don't know

knock me down flat, and send me back

what a way to start off the work week with a super long day. it wasn't that bad of a day, just long. people kept coming and ordering food while i was trying to get my prep work done and close the fucker down. of course that's why we're there, to feed the people. but i can't help but get frusterated when it's near closing time and i still have a million things left to do. oh well. i got to listen to some killer music and that helped. plus stephen and my old pal richel both stopped by.asherah being one of the bands. they played saturday at arts place along with xpmdx, and bullets fall, and kid gorgeous. the show was fabulous in all. each band playing a great set in my opinion. my first time hearing/seeing asherah and i totally dig 'em! i enjoyed kid gorgeous much better this time around too. i don't know what it was the first time, but they didn't affect me at all. after seeing them this time around i realized that i barely heard the vocals last time, just saw the singer in his stance. this time though, hearing them better-i liked them more. so maybe that was a big part of it. too bad i spent all my money before they played on asherah shit! which kept me from getting xpmdx's new demo too. haha. there's always next time. or burning a cd. but with my dial-up, that's basically outta the question.what in the hell have i done that's so wrong or bad to give me this laundry trouble karma!? i have been having problems with both the washer and dryer on and off since i moved in to this building nearly a year ago! first there's almost a fire in which i have to call the fire department and everyfucking firetruck/fighter/cop in the city show up-half my clothes from that cycle melted kinda and have permanent burn marks. we finally get a new dryer after months of calling the landlords and bitching to them over and over. the new dryer fucking sucks from the beginning. it doesn't dry worth a shit. but i complain less than the rest of the tenants, cause a slow dryer is better than no dryer. right? so then the on knob on this new dryer breaks. we are able to turn it on by using pliers or somethingofthelike still. we do this till they finally "fix" it. the new knob they put on was never secure. it was fucked up from the start. so today i put my laundry in the dryer and turn the knob to on and the knob falls off and the other piece falls down in the hole. so there's nothing there. i can't dry my damn clothes. and i swear this always happens when I'M the one doing the laundry. so I have to call the landlords. and believe you me, they are sick of hearing from me. i've called tenant services on their ass already and gotten them in trouble. at least i have clean clothes right? i can always hang dry my shit. that's when the washer will start fucking up again and stopping in mid cycle, full of water. heh. slumlords. can't live under their roofs, can't get away from living under their roofs. grr.well off to clean the filth from my body. and go feed trish's cats. and eat my macaroni grill leftovers. and miss matt.

here comes the rain again...

i feel really out of place being at home in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday. we had a major electrical malfunction at the melodeon yesterday 15 minutes into being open for lunch! half the restaurant's power went out, and it wasn't a minor fuse that blew where you go flick the switch and it's back on. we ran lunch with just cold sandwiches and salads and soups (since the soup wells were still running). and had to shut down after lunch. it's a huge job and it has to be done now (since it's aparantly been put off for many years-the owner of the building knew about it and refuses to put forth the money to have it fixed, plus they say my boss was told about it 4 1/2 years ago...) they thought it would've been taken care of by yesterday evening, but it must be a bigger job than they expected, cause the chief inspector guy came out and permitted us to have temporary electricity (to keep our coolers running so all the food wouldn't expire), but that we could not in any way open to the public till it was completely taken care of. so that's why i'm here now. i called earlier to see if there's anything i could do and to when we were going to open again and they still didn't know for sure. the electricians are working on it all day today. then i guess the inspector has to come back out and approve for us to open for tomorrow? maybe...though i'm loving the time off work-since i'm going through the burnt out faze at work again-i know i need the fucking money! ugh. guess i should take advantage of this time and clean my damn apartment. i've been putting it off for weeks now. matt's at band practice, so i have no excuse! hahwe rented just married (don't laugh!) and adaptation last nite. we started adaptation but both fell asleep, so i watched the rest of it thismorning-matt slept again, he wasn't interested-it was quite the bizarre movie. i don't know what to make of it. what i think of it. it made me cry which says something... well it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon and looks like midnite so i'm getting off the computer-a storm's a comin'.

i love you so much it's killing us both

i have the best.most.loving.considerate.thoughtful.boyfriend.ever.ever.! last tuesday, july 2nd-the day before our 4 month anniversary tehehe-, i came home from work to a long letter with a rose and picture of us taken at a friends wedding a few weeks back. the letter was full of nothing but detailed love and admiration for the relationship we have together. then over the next few days i found a total of 7 notes with sweet little comments to me on them hidden throughout my apartment. like on the refridgerator, in the refridgerator, in a shoe, in my cd rom spindle, in my harry potter book, under my pillow, and in my underware drawer! i think that was the most romantic thoughtful thing anyone's ever done! i love you matt simpson. you have my heart.

hard headed woman

:::10 Bands You've Seen Live::: (first off the top of my head...)1. social distortion2. zeke3. speedealer4. jets to brazil5. subhumans6. beastie boys7. supersuckers8. motorhead9. propagandhi10. aus-rotten:::09 Things You're Looking Forward To::: 1. spending lots of quality time with matt2. going to cedar point with matt and our buds!3. going to see blue car at the ky today4. cleaning my apartment when i get the motivation5. going to krazy fest (dillinger four yo!!!)6. taking a shower (i'm stinky!)7. getting my tattoos worked on/fixed8. finishing this freaking ear stretching process9. spending even more quality time with matt <3(that is if he is game as well...):::08 Things You Wear Daily::: 1. rowley vans2. t-shirt3. wallet4. burts beeswax5. bra6. underwear7. jeans8. watch:::07 Things That Annoy You::: 1. my loud ass neighbors2. smoking3. people coming over "needing to use the bathroom" 4. lack of motivation (my own)5. it's sunny for one minute, then the next it looks like rain. make up your damn mind6. being poor7. my aching back:::06 Things You Touch Every Day::: 1. myself2. tyrone3. sophie4. the toilet 5. my bed6. matt (god i wish):::05 Things You Do Every Day::: 1. talk to matty2. internet3. play with tyrone and sophie4. eat5. sleep:::04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time With::: 1. matt2. crystal3. alisa4. nikkii:::03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over::: 1. reality bites2. high fidelity3. ten things i hate about you!:::02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment::: 1. bikeage-the descendents2. wild world-cat stevens:::01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With::: 1. tyrone and sophie most def.( i wanna say matty. and i do think that right now. i hope things work out that way for us. he is one amazing person that i cherish dearly and can see a future with. i hope the feeling is mutual too)